In almost all parts of my life, I have control. Work driving me bonkers? I’ve changed jobs. Feeling unfit? I signed up & ran a marathon. Wanted a dog? I bought one and have never looked back.
But when it comes to finding love, I’m completely out of my depth, unable to control all the ducks that need to line up perfectly so Cupid can strike. As my friend puts it, finding love is like winning the lottery – a lottery I feel destined to never even win the $2 free ticket in.
Just over a year ago, I went to Hawaii with 5 single girlfriends. Since then:
- Friend 1 has announced she’s pregnant, and planning her wedding
- Friend 2 moved in with her boyfriend and become a step mum to 3 kids
- Friend 3 is moving out with her boyfriend next week
- Friend 4 just celebrated the 1 year anniversary with her boyfriend
- Friend 5 also just celebrated 1 year with her man
What on earth was in that Waikiki water that everyone drank except for me? Did I go to the bathroom while everyone else ordered the ‘cocktail d’lurve’?
As a result, it was a really lonely year for me. It’s only natural for your friends to disappear for a while when they find a man, but when times get tough, it’s hard not having your single girlfriends there at the drop of a hat to help you through it. Friends who used to call me all the time to see what ‘our’ plans are for the weekend are now busy making the kids lunches, going to their boyfriend’s mum’s 50th or having a ‘quiet night’ at home with a pizza & dvd – a Saturday night activity that’s awesome if you’re with your boyfriend, but completely Bridget Jones-like if you’re alone.
Suddenly I feel pathetic even talking about being single, and sharing my frequent dating disasters with them. It used to be ok, even hilarious, talking about our seemingly endless quest to find ‘the one’ – we were all in this together.
But now we’re not.
There’s a big divide. I don’t get invited to their couples dinner parties. I’m still sleeping in the single bunk bed on weekends away while they enjoy the comfy queen size bed. They’re talking about mortgages and joint bank accounts while I’m still paying rent in a share house. I see them once a month instead of five times a week. I’ve moved down the speed dial list. I’m sure they now look at me with a sense of relief that they are no longer in my position. While I can’t confirm if this is true, I would sure as hell be a little smug and thankful that I’m no longer playing the dating game. It’s just hard being the only one who is still ‘playing’.
I’ve dealt with it by throwing myself into new adventures, meeting different people, following my dreams to have my own business, saying yes more and being the best version of myself that I can.
Because that’s all I can do, while trying to find this crazy little thing called love.
This is a very common story I hear from so many girls. When your closest friend finds a man, it’s extremely tough to adjust to the new situation for both of you. You feel like you’ve lost part of your friend to someone else, but remember it’s hard for them too – they’re trying to juggle and squeeze a whole new person into their life. You must be flexible and accept that circumstances change. If it’s a true friendship, it will stand the test of time. If not, then move on, knowing that you were only friends in the first place because you were both single.
In the meantime, keep on doing what you’re doing! By throwing all your energy into being happy with who you are and not waiting round for Prince Charming to waltz on into your life, you’ll go to bed content that you’re making the most of every day. With that attitude, you’ll probably find a man to share that bed with sooner than you think…
Do you have a dating story to share? Submit it here. All published posts will be anonymous.